she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
