You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
