she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
