Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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