Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
