Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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