She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
