Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
