omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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