Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
