My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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