You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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