hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
