Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
