You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
