You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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