I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
