SEEEEXXX PLEASE
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
