can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
