I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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