HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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