i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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