Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
