Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
