i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
