I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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