apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
