I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
