he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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