1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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