she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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