you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
