It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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