Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
