Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
