why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
