I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
that may or may not have been my penis.
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