My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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