Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
