apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
