and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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