I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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