Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
