Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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