So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
