I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
