I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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