Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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