I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
