omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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