i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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