Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
