I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
