so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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