Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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