She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
